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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/24019048">Demons Have Demons Too</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/silenceonset/pseuds/silenceonset'>silenceonset</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Gintama</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Angst, Domestic Fluff, Established Relationship, Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, Living Together, M/M, Nightmares, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-05-05</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-05-05</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-03 00:21:51</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>1,556</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/24019048</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/silenceonset/pseuds/silenceonset</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              
<p></p><blockquote>
  <p>“Gintoki,” Toshiro squawks, fumbling to get up. He wipes his tears away with the sleeves of his yukata. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to wake you, I’ll keep the door clo—”</p>
  <p>“You didn’t wake me, stupid.”</p>
  <p>Toshiro watches, wide-eyed and confused, as Gintoki walks over to sit by his feet. Gintoki looks up at Toshiro and holds his hand.</p>
  <p>“I know what day it is.”</p>
</blockquote><p>In which Gintoki comforts Hijikata after a nightmare.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Hijikata Toshirou/Sakata Gintoki</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>9</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>156</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Demons Have Demons Too</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><ul class="associations">
      <li>For <a href="https://archiveofourown.org/users/Svkura/gifts">Svkura</a>.</li>



    </ul></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“Toshi, run!”</p>
<p>Those are the last words Toshiro hears from his brother, Tamegoro, before the swarm of villagers push him out of sight. Toshiro would run if he could, but where is there to go when the wooden shack he’s stood in is collapsing around his ears as an angry fire swallows it whole?</p>
<p>Toshiro gasps for air in the heat of the flames, but his lungs don’t work the way he wants them to. The fire grows and grows, and the villagers close in on him silently, like a pack of wolves cornering their prey. Their eyes have all been slashed, just like Tamegoro’s, so why does it still feel like their vengeful glares are burning holes in his chest? Red, hot flames lick around his face, enveloping him in stifling heat–</p>
<p>Toshiro’s eyes snap open so wide they almost pop out of their sockets. He finds himself panting, and his chest trembles with every quick pound of his heart. He blinks and feels the stickiness of dried tears stained on his cheeks. His hearing is still muffled, but he can make out faint snores from the sleeping figure beside him. Quickly adjusting himself back to reality, Toshiro slowly props himself up with an elbow and sits upright. He cringes when he feels the back of his yukata plastered to his back, damp and warm with his sweat.</p>
<p>Unlike his dream, the night is calm, and a gentle breeze helps ground him to the present. The only sounds he hears are the cicadas in the distance, his boyfriend’s light snores, and the resounding beat of his racing heart. He turns around to make sure Gintoki hasn’t woken up. To his relief, the man’s eyes are shut, his lips slightly parted. The duvet shifts with his slow breaths.</p>
<p>Toshiro checks the justaway clock beside the futon—it’s 4AM. Tamegoro died five years ago on this day. Toshiro has sleepless nights leading up to his brother’s death anniversary every year, but the recurring nightmares are something he will never get used to; like a massive wound that slowly heals over the year, only to be skinned raw and left to throb and bleed on this very day.</p>
<p>Toshiro gets out of bed as quietly as his trembling body allows, and leaves the room. He grabs his cigarettes and lighter from the Shinsengumi uniform hanging by the door, and walks out onto the balcony. Not trusting his legs to stay up, he lamely decides to sit cross-legged on the floor.</p>
<p>Now comes the hard part—Toshiro takes out a cigarette and places it between his lips. With his free hand, he brings the lighter up. It’s already shaking. He clicks the lighter and aims the flame at the end of his cigarette, but he misses. He tries again, misses again. By the third attempt, he feels tears running down his face. He drops both the cigarette and the lighter to stare at his empty hands that are still shaking uncontrollably from the nightmare, as if willing them to stop. “Fuck,” he spits, and throws a frustrated punch at one of the wooden posts in front of him. He hears the wood splinter, and a stinging pain swells in his fist moments later. The tears are still running, and Toshiro is absolutely disgusted with himself.</p>
<p><em>Pathetic</em>, he thinks. As if he even has the right to cry, to even be <em>sad</em> about what happened. Every bad thing that happened to his family only happened because he, the abomination that should have never been born, had the nerve to exist. The love and kindness he received from Tamegoro almost made him feel like he was deserving of good things, but the cruel twist of events from that night ripped him out of his wishful thinking, leaving him with whiplash so bad it never healed.</p>
<p>“If that railing breaks you’re paying for it.”</p>
<p>Toshiro snaps his head around to face Gintoki, who appears to have been watching for a while now. He stands languidly, leaning his weight against the sliding door that Toshiro had so stupidly left open. He rubs his eyes sleepily and flashes Toshiro a lazy smile.</p>
<p>“Gintoki,” Toshiro squawks, fumbling to get up. He wipes his tears away with the sleeves of his yukata. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to wake you, I’ll keep the door clo—”</p>
<p>“You didn’t wake me, stupid.”</p>
<p>Toshiro watches, wide-eyed and confused, as Gintoki walks over to sit by his feet. Gintoki looks up at Toshiro and holds his hand.</p>
<p>“I know what day it is.”</p>
<p>Toshiro stares at him, not knowing how to react.</p>
<p>“Are you going to stand there all night?” Gintoki asks, sticking his pinky into his nose.</p>
<p>Toshiro blinks, and sits. He decides to try his luck at lighting his cigarette one more time. Even with his utmost concentration he almost gets cross-eyed trying to steady his lighter, before he feels Gintoki’s large, warm hands wrap securely around his own, guiding the flame to the cigarette. The moment it glows red, Gintoki lets go, and Toshiro almost wants to cry again at the loss of contact.</p>
<p>He curiously turns to Gintoki, enamoured by his effortless charm, which was almost enough to distract him from his misery. Gintoki raises an eyebrow and wordlessly gestures for Toshiro to take a puff.</p>
<p>Toshiro obliges, drawing in a breath so long almost the entire length of the cigarette crumbles into ash. The familiar smell soothes him almost immediately. He holds it in and relishes in the calm, before slowly releasing his breath.</p>
<p>Gintoki watches him smoke, watches him slowly regain control of his trembling hands. The moonlight kisses Toshiro’s eyelashes and the tiny droplets of tears between them glisten in the night. It almost pisses Gintoki off how Toshiro manages to still look so pretty even after bawling his eyes out like a baby, with his stupid puffy eyes and his stupid red nose that makes him look like fucking Rudolph on Christmas night.</p>
<p>“You don’t have to stay up with me…” Toshiro mumbles, putting out his cigarette. It’s bad enough that he’s having to deal with his dumb feelings, why should Gintoki have to deal with it too? Besides, he’s already brought enough pain and despair to the people he loved in the past with his destructive tendencies, Gintoki doesn’t deserve to go through the same.</p>
<p>When Toshiro gets in his feelings, he’s so easy to read. The moment those words leave his mouth, Gintoki can almost hear the self-deprecating thoughts running through Toshiro’s head as his head bows lower and lower, his lower lip quivering. Gintoki lets out an animated sigh. Toshiro whips his head up fearfully, as if expecting Gintoki to lash out at him for his pathetic behaviour.</p>
<p>Instead, Gintoki gets up and moves to sit right behind Toshiro, wrapping his strong arms around Toshiro’s waist. He lets his legs rest next to his boyfriend’s, his entire body safely encircling Toshiro’s smaller frame. Toshiro tenses up from the unexpected affection, but quickly leans back into Gintoki’s chest for the comfort he so needs. Gintoki nuzzles Toshiro’s temple and buries his nose in his hair, inhaling his scent.</p>
<p>“You’re too kind to me,” Toshiro breathes, overwhelmed, placing his hand atop Gintoki’s. He pushes his head against Gintoki’s face, nuzzling back.</p>
<p>“Nonsense,” Gintoki whispers, gently squeezing Toshiro’s waist and pressing a sweet kiss to his jaw.</p>
<p>Toshiro turns around with glassy eyes to get a better look at Gintoki’s handsome face.</p>
<p>“You’re so good to me,” he sighs again, pulling Gintoki’s head down to kiss his cheek. As he does so, he closes his eyes, and tears roll down his cheeks once more.</p>
<p>Gintoki feels every shrug of his shoulders, every hitched breath as he cries. He sways them back and forth, holding Toshiro’s clammy hand and kissing away the blood from his bruised knuckles.</p>
<p>When Toshiro’s sobbing dies down, Gintoki already knows the words he is about to utter. The words that he absolutely despises.</p>
<p>“I don’t deserve you.”</p>
<p>Right on cue. Gintoki fights the urge to roll his eyes, even though he knows Toshiro can’t see if he does. He pulls his boyfriend in closer and rests his chin on top of his head.</p>
<p>“Bullshit,” he replies, as he does every year. Toshiro laughs dryly, nose blocked from the crying. He caresses the back of Gintoki’s hand with his thumb in rhythm with Gintoki’s swaying, and they stay like this for a while, just revelling in each other’s company.</p>
<p>Toshiro closes his eyes, focusing on the way their chests rise and fall in sync. He loses track of time, and is almost lulled to sleep when he feels a low rumble against his back as Gintoki’s voice reaches his ear.</p>
<p>“Do you want me to come?” he asks, softly, gently, kindly. Toshiro gratefully kisses his neck.</p>
<p>“It’s okay,” he says finally, deciding that he needs to be alone when he visits his brother’s grave. Gintoki hums in understanding.</p>
<p>Toshiro’s life has been cursed from his very birth, and terrible things have happened to the people he loved, but before he could vow to himself never to love again, Sakata Gintoki showed up and foiled all his plans, because that’s what he does best.</p>
<p>And as the sun rises over the horizon, Toshiro realises he has never been more grateful.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>To my dearest friend Sakura:<br/>Happy birthday dear, I hope this brightens your day.</p>
<p>Please support her and her beautiful art <a href="https://twitter.com/crixist">here</a>!</p></blockquote></div></div>
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